Wednesday 19 January 2022 by Chris Ballard

Grateful nation forgives Boris Johnson after he decides to end pandemic


pandemic over

England has forgiven the Prime Minister for all this lying business after he announced that the pandemic is over and that masks and whatnot are no longer required.

Rejoice! Rejoice! For Boris has decided that the pandemic is no more!

Let us gather in large groups and decide that he’s alright really and that we’d definitely vote him back into power.

“It was nothing really,” said an uncharacteristically modest Boris.

“Ending the pandemic and ensuring that everyone can go back to their normal lives was the least I could do after accidentally going to a party and accidentally allowing dozens of other parties to accidentally take place in my own home.

“I’ve decided that it’s safe for you to bin your masks, squeeze onto crowded trains and gather as largely as you like.

“The virus won’t get you – I promise. And I’m putting an end to any more variants so that’s now officially it.

“Party all you like! And by the way, I’m also backdating these new rules by two years.

“So, er, I can keep being PM now, right?”

However, not everyone is happy with the latest developments.

“Nobody tells me what to do!” said Simon Williams, a man who’s been a vehement anti-masker for the past two years.

“If I want to wear a mask in Sainsbury’s and stop going to the pub, I bloody well will!

“Boris out!”

Mr. Bullshit. Get the all new Boris mug HERE!

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