Wednesday 19 January 2022 by Pete Redfern

Boris Johnson untroubled by MP’s defection as he’d always assumed ‘Bury South’ was a euphemism for sex


Boris Johnson Bury South

The defection of one of his so-called ‘Red Wall’ MPs to Labour just minutes before Prime Ministers Questions today doesn’t seem to have affected Boris Johnson in the slightest, according to Tory insiders.

The MP for Bury South, who won his seat in 2019, crossed the chamber to join the Labour ranks just prior to the start of Prime Ministers Questions, stunning cabinet members but leaving the Prime Minister unaffected.

“Bury South?” laughed the Prime Minister in the bar immediately afterwards, necking half a bottle of red wine and looking out of the window to laugh at the stupid, gullible members of the public walking by.

“Sounds like a euphemism for intercourse to me. ‘Why hello dear, you’re much younger and more attractive than my wife, mind if I go ahead and bury south?’, that kind of thing.”

Downing the remaining half bottle of red he went on, “I can only assume ‘Bury North’ is a fun term for fellatio, and there must be a ‘Bury Bottom’ somewhere, I’d imagine.

“What’s that? Christian Wakeford? Never heard of him. Sounds dangerously close to ‘woke’-ford to me, and we don’t want any of that piffle in the party, thank you very much.”

Talking to reporters, Christian Wakeford explained the reason for his move to Labour, saying, “I wanted to remain in a centre-right party, just one that didn’t have Boris as its leader.”

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