The Police Constable who stands guard at the door of 10 Downing Street has been replaced by Mike and Kev of ‘Doormen’, Romford’s finest entry control specialists.
As access to the centre of power is now almost entirely dependent on whether you’re carrying booze and maybe a bit of toot, the change has been made to better control flow through the door of the sort of people who are showing up.
The bouncer hire company were quick to point out that fewer than 51% of their employees have convictions for violent crime, making them much more trustworthy than the Metropolitan Police.
“Telling the Policeman that you know Dave and ‘he said it’d be OK’ used to work nine times out of ten,” said Downing Street spokesman Simon Williams.
“But not any more as Mike and Kev know that one and they’re not as gullible as your average Met Officer either.
“Instead, from now on to get in you’ll have to prove you’ve got an invite from Carrie or that your bag has enough to go around in it – if you know what I mean.”