Boris Johnson has been dealt another severe political blow after former ally Andrew Bridgen, chair of the influential They Don’t Belong Here parliamentary group, declared that he could no longer trust the morals of the highly untrustworthy immoral man he helped put into power.
Speaking atop a toadstool while fishing in a pond, Mr Bridgen said that he was dismayed that the notoriously incompetent pleasure-seeker he supported in his climb to Number 10 turned out to be just as dissolute and erratic in high office as he has been all his life.
“I have known Boris since his early years as a lazy journalist who rewarded the editors who gave him a chance – a chance less-connected graduates could only dream of – with falsified articles and barefaced lies.
“Even then, I thought that his visibly fake personality and gleeful delight in breaking rules would immediately morph into sombre statesmanship as soon as the Queen asked him to form a government.
“But as it turned out, the venal sack of shit turned out to be just as morally bankrupt and unreliable as a Prime Minister as he was as a journalist, magazine editor, MP, mayor, Foreign Secretary, husband and father.
“I have no choice than to demand his resignation and start another search for a privileged idler who will pat me on the head and tell me they share my pathological loathing of people who speak two languages.
“Now if you’ll excuse me I have to meet David Frost as I think he’s the man to truly deliver the Brexit he used to say was a stupid idea.”