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The Prime Minister has disbanded the Conservative Party’s boring 1922 Committee of backbenchers in order to establish something much more fun.
In an unexpectedly shrewd move, Boris Johnson has found a way to combine his twin interests of non-stop partying and tenuously clinging on to power.
“The 1922 Committee is the way Conservative backbenchers coordinate and discuss their views independently of frontbenchers,” explained Political Analyst Simon Williams as he read Wikipedia.
“This isn’t good for the PM because many backbenchers have now realised he’s a tosspot. Or rather, they’ve realised that the public has realised he’s a tosspot.
“Boris has therefore moved swiftly to disband this problematic group in order to establish something more likely to support his management style and his worldview – that work meetings are essentially alcohol-fuelled sex parties.
“Membership requirements will change from being a Tory backbencher to being a buxom young lady between the ages of 18 and 30.
“Even members of the Labour Party will be admitted if they have a cup size of at least DD.
“The Committee will no longer be able to instigate votes of no confidence in the Prime Minister but will have new powers to ‘paint the town red’, ‘rip this joint’ and ‘get completely fucked on suitcases full of wine’.
“All 18-30 proceedings will be chaired by Boris himself at Downing Street – unless details leak to the press in which case he will have been staying at Chequers at the time.
“Sue Gray’s investigation will not cover the new Committee’s activities because she’s, like, a million years old.”
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