After failing to get the case against him thrown out of a US court, Prince Andrew is in conversation with his legal team about his best line of defence.
The ninth in line to the throne will now face a civil trial in America to deny claims of the sexual abuse of Virginia Giuffre, who was a teenager at the time of the alleged offences.
Simon Williams, one of the solicitors on Prince Andrew’s legal team who is naturally being funded by taxpayer money, outlined the possible difficulties he might face during the trial.
“He’s up against it somewhat,” he told us, with a grimace, “and he’s already sweating a shitload.
“For a start, there are photos of him with his accuser, a slimy grin plastered over his smug entitled face, and then you have his odd line of defence that he couldn’t sweat, that he made while visibly sweating on camera.
“And forget the whole Pizza Express alibi, as that carries about as much weight as his assertion that he doesn’t know who his accuser is.”
He continued, “No, we are going to have to admit that he was Jeffrey Epstein’s place, but we will try and convince the jury that the event on the evening in question, in a house crammed with half-naked teenage girls – most of whom were there against their will – was nothing more than a ‘work meeting’.
“And the booze that was there was no more than the standard amount you’d expect at any work meeting.”
He added, “What’s that, where did we get the idea for that defence strategy? Oh, it just came to us around lunchtime today, out of the blue.”