Wednesday 12 January 2022 by Lucas Wilde

“Goooooood” chuckles Dominic Cummings


Emperor Cummings

Dominic Cummings is having a good chuckle to himself this afternoon.

The former adviser to the Prime Minister and Sith Lord watched the events of Prime Minister’s Questions unfold from the television of his Death Star, in orbit above Barnard Castle.

“Yesssss…” quietly hissed Cummings, from beneath a black hood.

“Everything is going according to plan… the plan being to wrong those who have wronged me, only twice as hard.

“Everything I have leaked to the press or blackmailed other people into leaking to the press is having precisely the desired effect. The public that once loved Boris now universally hate him, save for one or two deluded journos at the Express.

“Soon… soon my vengeance will be complete, Boris will be out on his arse and I can finally release my book. That’s going to be really terrific.

“I’ll market it as brand new unreleased stories, but it will mostly be stuff you already know with one or two new bits, all for seventeen pounds. You mugs. God I hate you all.

“MWAHAHAHA and so on.”

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