Tuesday 11 January 2022 by Neil Tollfree

Entire government utterly pissed for majority of 2020


Boris Johnson drunk in Downing Street

A new leak has revealed that the entire government was completely pissed off its head for the majority of 2020.

“Number 10? Fucking brilliant, mate. It was like one of those Club 18-30 holidays you got back in the day,” said one junior minister.

“You’d work till lunch, then head down to the Number 10 garden for a couple of beers. Boris would get the old barbeque going and Gove-y would get his early 90s hardcore CDs out. MC Mikey-G we’d call him.

“You’d get a nice lunchtime buzz on and sometimes head back for an hour or so of work, or more usually just push on through till the evening. Crank up the music. Have a bit of a dance, maybe cop off with someone. Fucking great times. I can’t really remember June or July of that year.”

Another minister remembers how it all became a bit too much for him.

He told us, “It was bloody good fun for a while but, it started to become a bit much, I mean it was constant. Everyone was just smashed, day after day. I like a bit of a piss-up, but one day I woke up by the bins with no trousers and pants. Never found out what happened to them.

“After that, I knew I needed to calm it down a bit, so I quit Government and became a Motely Crue roadie.”

There was very little remorse amongst MPs for having what appears to be a three-month drinking session whilst the country suffered its greatest collective trauma in seventy-odd years.

“I’ll be honest, I thought everyone knew we were on the piss,” said one cabinet minister.

“I mean, did you see some of those early Covid policies we put out? There’s no way someone sober would have come up with them.”

The Cabinet of Arseholes – get the best-selling protest mug HERE!

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