Monday 10 January 2022 by Pete Redfern

Nigel Farage celebrates Eastern European crossing a foreign border after being visited by three ghosts overnight


Nigel Farage

Nigel Farage’s celebration of an Eastern European crossing a border into a country that initially ruled he couldn’t enter has been attributed to him receiving a number of ghostly visitations overnight.

The former UKIP and Brexit Party leader, who has spent decades building a career out of trying to stop economic migrants from Europe coming into the UK to ‘take jobs away from the indigenous population’, has demonstrated a complete change of heart over the last twenty-four hours, leading many to speculate as to the reasons why.

“Paranormal visitations, that’s the only explanation,” opined Simon Williams, a Muppets Christmas Carol enthusiast from Aldershot.

“He must have been visited by the ghosts of xenophobia, past, present and future, and subsequently realised the error of his ways.

“I imagine that this morning he must have thrown open his bedroom window and yelled at a passing child ‘You boy, what day is it? Did Djokovic win his court battle?’ and then celebrated wildly when he learned that yes, an Eastern European had been allowed into a country with the sole intention of earning money there – money that he will no doubt take out of the country the moment he’s finished earning it.

“It’s properly heartwarming, innit?”

Others, however, were sceptical. Gordon Bennet, a spokesperson for political ‘party’ Reform UK, of which Nigel Farage is currently leader, told us, “I refuse to believe that Nigel would suddenly turn his back on everything he has stood for over his entire political life overnight – I’m sure there has been some misunderstanding.

“Perhaps he’s had a stroke?

“Either way, he will be forced to step down as Reform UK leader until he starts to once more display the usual levels of xenophobia and bigotry that we’d expect from him.”

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