Monday 3 January 2022 by Arabin Patson

We will still mercilessly take the piss out of Audi Drivers in 2022, confirm NewsThump writers


Man with Audi

The editorial staff of moderately popular satire website NewsThump have announced that 2022 will not see any change in their longstanding and somewhat perplexing quest to portray Audi drivers as everything from tragically insecure poseurs to sociopathic road menaces.

Simon Williams, deputy editor of NewsThump, insisted that a regular drip-feed of malicious insults towards Audi drivers is what satire aficionados want.

He went on, “People need some continuity in these turbulent times. Nobody knows what 2022 will bring us. Brexit, covid, and climate change not to mention another cold war. So it’s comforting to know that whatever happens, we will routinely put out hatchet jobs accusing thousands of people of being shit drivers who will spend £50K on a sack of rat turds if it had four rings on it.

“And no, I don’t know why we’re so hard on them. It’s been that way long before I started here. Personally, I’d love to take a pop at Jaguar owners as they come across as yacht owners who occasionally have to pay £20,000 to their daughter’s best friend for some unspecified reason. But that’s not the house style.”

Mr Williams insisted that the oddly personal campaign against owners of one car brand was the only real editorial policy at NewsThump, despite common accusations of political bias that he strongly refuted.

“Look. Some events, and people, are just inherently funnier than others. Andy Burnham getting mustard on his tie might be great comedy material but not if a senior tory just got caught giving a diplomatic passport to an Ecuadorian hooker in exchange for a marmite tit wank.

“And what do you think is more likely to happen in the next 12 months?”

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