Prince Andrew’s New Year resolution to write every day in his prison diary

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The Duke of York wants to write more regularly and 2022 may present him with the perfect opportunity to do so.

Like many people, Prince Andrew dreams of being a writer. Like many people, he never seems to find the time.

“Good writing takes a lot of blood, sweat and tears and that’s something I’ve always struggled with – particularly the sweat bit,” explained the Duke, who’s now such a liability that he’s separately disclosed on the Royal Family’s balance sheet.

“But mummy came to see me last night and said that she was very sorry but that I’d probably be going to prison.

“Well, at least that will give me the time to keep a journal and I’m sure there’ll be lots of interesting people in jail to inspire material.

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“Apparently, people like me get ‘jugged’ so that sounds like a couple of chapters in itself!

“I’m sure that even simple activities like taking a shower will be rich with incident.

“Yes, I think I can definitely make the best of this.”

But surely the Duke has had time recently while he’s been locked away in Windsor castle’s highest tower like Rapunzel – if Rapunzel were a nonce wanted by the FBI.

“That’s true,” said Andrew. “However, my lawyers have instructed me not to write a single word. They obviously think that face to face interviews are my strength.

“Now then, who’s going to source a child for my New Year’s Eve snog? Oh, damn – that’s bloody inconvenient.”