The artist formerly known as Prince Harry has been caught breaking into Windsor Castle.
The ex-royal was caught attempting to throw a grappling hook onto the roof in an effort to get into his old bedroom.
“I WANT BACK IN, GRANDMA!” yelled the disgruntled Harry, from the back of a police van.
“I’ve done my time with the normies, I’ve done my time in America. They’re both DREADFUL! Why do they put cheese on EVERYTHING?!
“The stuff in the States isn’t even cheese, it’s ghastly! Please let me be a royal again. I can fill in for Uncle Andrew while he’s “away”, you know? Please? I’ll even do Legoland!”
A palace spokesperson said, “We can confirm that a ginger disgrace to us all was apprehended at Windsor Castle around lunchtime on Christmas Day.
“We have no further comment at this time, but his grandma will be giving him a damn good thrashing.”
A spokesperson for Meghan Markel said, “We actually hadn’t noticed he was missing.”