Monday 27 December 2021 by Lucas Wilde

Anti-vaxxer still hasn’t opened Christmas presents because he doesn’t know what’s inside


anti-vaxxer won't open Christmas present

An anti-vaxxer’s Christmas presents remain steadfastly unwrapped today after he continued insisting that any time you don’t know what’s in something, it must be dangerous.

Simon Williams, 29, is a dedicated opponent of the covid-19 jab, claiming that it remains untested and the ingredients remain a mystery, both of which are objectively false statements.

“I’m not touching those presents,” confirmed Williams.

“Could be anything in there. Do you think I’m going to be convinced just because the rest of you are opening them and pretending to enjoy the contents? Unlike you, I’m not a sheep.

“Sure, you’re having a jolly time NOW, but we don’t know what the long term effects of those gifts might be. You lot can be the guinea pigs, as far as I’m concerned. I shall open my gifts when I know they are safe – in around five years or so.

“I’m not the crazy one here. If you’d done your own research, you’d realise the severe risks you’re all taking.”

Simon’s mother sighed “Brilliant. We could have just wrapped up some empty boxes.

“I guess we will just donate that PlayStation 5 to a family that will be grateful for it.”

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