A man is referring to 23rd December as Christmas Eve Eve, at least 30 years after he should have stopped doing so.
Despite being nearly forty, Simon Williams woke up his wife Karen at six this morning by leaping around in his pyjamas shouting, “It’s Christmas Eve Eve! Only two sleeps to go!”
Advent calendar chocolate was already smeared around his mouth.
“Can we make gingerbread men for Santa? Pleeeeease?!”
Karen bought herself a couple more hours in bed by letting Simon watch Home Alone on the tablet.
Simon then helped his wife make biscuits but he ended up giving himself a bad tummy by eating too much icing.
Karen still had a lot of prep to do for the Big Day so she gave her husband a beer and tried to put him down for an afternoon nap – but he was too excited to settle.
With a sigh of resignation, she let him accompany her to the supermarket.
“Get out of the fucking trolley, sweetheart,” she said when they arrived at Tesco. “You’re too heavy for me to push.”
Karen then spent much of the next hour removing all the sweets and chocolates from the trolley which Simon had put in.
When he kicked off, she had to calm him down by buying him a copy of Mojo magazine.
“It’s a lot of work, having to do all the Christmas shopping and wrapping on my own,” said Karen.
“But Simon still gets so excited about Santa that I just can’t bear to tell him the truth – that in the New Year I’m planning to run away with my colleague Steve who’s an actual proper grownup.”