Kettering man Simon Williams has been rushed to the hospital due to developing ‘dangerously high’ blood sugar levels after watching Love, Actually.
Williams, who was described as being in good health before beginning his viewing, is reported to be in serious danger of losing at least one leg after his pancreas was overwhelmed by a tidal wave of poisonously sweet Christmas cheer.
Speaking from the scene, Paramedics said his body simply wasn’t capable of producing enough insulin to deal with watching Hugh Grant and Martine McCutcheon sharing a comically awkward conversation over the head of a 7-year-old dressed as a nativity Octopus.
“The poor guy,” one told us. “Imagine liquidising around a quarter ton of icing sugar and injecting it straight into your liver – he just couldn’t handle it.
“That’s what we’ve had to deal with here. His wife just said it was lovely and she didn’t understand the problem, but she’s built up immunity with regular viewings of Hallmark movies and selected episodes of Outlander.”
Filmmakers denied any responsibility for the illness, saying that Love, Actually is pure saccharine and that everything in it is entirely artificial.