Emergency cabinet meeting about new Covid restrictions reaches the cheese course

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A four-hour emergency meeting of senior government ministers and officials to discuss the worsening Covid situation has reached the cheese course, according to reports.

After taking a break from their intense afternoon after a rather nice side of beef and then a nice slice of honeycomb cheesecake, Ministers had played several rounds of Pin the Tail on the Donkey and enjoyed a couple of glasses of Sauternes before returning to business with a platter of cheese, charcoal wafers and grapes.

Dominic Raab is understood to be leading a breakout brainstorming session to consider possible implications for the NHS over a tense game of Twister, whilst the Prime Minister is personally chairing an in-depth investigation into the contents of a wheel of cheddar and a jar of chutney.

“It’s vital that Ministers stay on top of each other… I mean, on top of the situation,” said spokesman Simon Williams, KCMG, wincing at the bright lights and asking everyone maybe to keep it down a bit.

“Nobody in government wants to play musical chairs because they might end up sitting on Matt Hancock’s lap… dammit, sorry, because it’s too important an issue to be pass the parcel… sorry, passed on.”

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When asked for her reaction to the news, Scottish First Minister Nicola Sturgeon told us that everyone sitting six feet apart and not saying anything is a party at her house.