Couple’s wine choice mainly based on label artwork

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The most important criteria when choosing a wine is whether or not it has a cool label, a couple has agreed today.

How best to negotiate the intimidating selection of wines at the local supermarket? Simon and Karen Williams have the answer.

“When faced with several aisles full of wine, choosing a decent bottle can seem an almost impossible task,” said Simon.

“How on earth are you supposed to know which ones are red and which ones are white?

“What will go well with a frozen lasagne and what will complement a takeaway McDonald’s?

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“Well, it’s all about the label. As a general rule, you can’t really go wrong with animals.

“For example, my wife Karen would probably like a wine which has a nice drawing of a flamingo on the label – this would indicate that it’s pink, fluffy and that you can still stand on one leg after downing the whole bottle.

“On the other hand, I would prefer a lion. Something blood-red that would be a good accompaniment to meat – because I’m a real man, a hunter.

“Then there are the labels which are best avoided, such as those which contain pictures of fruit – grapes or whatever.

“No one wants to associate getting pissed with eating one of your five a day, so that seems like a bit of a marketing own goal.

“The very worst wines have labels which just contain words. Usually funny foreign words. I don’t know what the hell a ‘Cabernet Sauvignon’ is, but no thanks!

“The label isn’t the only consideration, of course. Any bottle costing more than a fiver is a red flag, as is anything which has one of those weird ‘cork’ things.”

Karen said, “I actually prefer wine which comes in boxes – I just lie on the kitchen floor underneath the tap and let gravity do the rest.”