Cabinet absolutely shitfaced following ‘work meeting’

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The leaders of Her Majesty’s government are absolutely hammered, following a two-hour work meeting.

As is customary for a Conservative work meeting, nobody brought laptops or notepads, but absolutely everybody brought a bottle of wine.

“Ish been reproductive,” slurred Priti Patel, swaying from side to side.

“We’ve… heh heh… we’ve had shum very, VERY frank discussions… about what should happen to those immigrants crossing the channel… heh he… shhh… shhh… no, they were… they were just jokes… machine guns aren’t okay…”

Chancellor of the Exchequer, Rishi Sunak, added “FREE PENNNNS! FREE PENS foreveryoneinbankinnnnng…” from atop the cabinet meeting table upon which he was dancing.

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“What? No, YOU get down…get down and get FUNKY!”

Boris Johnson chanted “GO RISHI GO RISHI GO!” before jumping up to join the Chancellor in a spot of dancing, and then grabbing a microphone and singing “WORRRRRRK MEETINNNNGGGGG” to the tune of Shirley Bassey’s Goldfinger, while the rest of the cabinet clapped, laughed and danced along.

A cabinet spokesperson chuckled and said, “This is actually one of our more productive sessions.

“May I interest you in a line of coke? We wouldn’t have got Brexit done without it.”

The Cabinet of Arseholes – get the best-selling design here!