Absolutely everyone has received a set of knives in this year’s Conservative Party Secret Santa.
The anonymous gifts turned out to be all the same with an invitation to stick the party leader firmly in the back, which makes a change as it’s usually Labour who do that.
“We were hoping for a bit of imagination, and a bit of fun with some bonding to help us all pull it together after a difficult year,” said party chairman Sir Simon Williams-Williams.
“But as it turned out, it was just a big selection of edged weapons and a bunch of notes reading ‘YOU do it’, which wasn’t what we were hoping for at all.
“But still, everyone seemed oddly pleased to have got them, and said they were sure they’d find a use.”
Insiders are hoping that tonight’s top-secret Christmas Party will be more successful, with games lined up including Pin the Blame on an Intern, Pass the Buck, and Murder in the Dark.