Man spends day following government advice by planning Christmas party he shouldn’t attend

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A man is spending the day following government advice today, by planning a Christmas party for his workmates and friends, which he shouldn’t actually attend.

With government guidelines clearly stating that Christmas parties should still go ahead this year, but no one should actually attend them, company bosses and members of the public have been busy making preparations for thousands of Christmas parties, that will have no one in attendance.

IT manager Simon Williams, who has been planning his office party for days and will be the only person there, told us, “I’m nearly there, it’s going to be amazing.

“I have decided to go ahead with our works Christmas party because Boris said that I should do that, but obviously no-one will be coming, because Chris Witty told them not to come.

“So we are going to follow the rules like everybody else. And plan a great Christmas party, for nobody to attend.

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“It’s costing a bleeding fortune to be honest, because everything is so expensive these days, but I just want to make sure it’s perfect with all the decorations, and a nice spread of food for nobody to eat.”

“I’m going to sort out some free drinks too, to show my appreciation, for nobody to drink, because they shouldn’t really come, although we should still have the party.

“I’m just glad the government offered some clear guidance on this so we knew what we should be doing without any confusion and could keep everyone safe.”

Asked how many he has catered for he told us “Sixty, which is a shame as there will be only me there”