The government has insisted today that there will be no U-turn on its decision to allow households to mix as normal indoors over the Christmas period until everyone has bought a massive turkey and forked out over £200 on food.
As fears of a wave of Omicron infections continue to rise in the UK, the Prime Minister has assured the nation that the current plan to allow families to mix indoors and have a ‘normal’ Christmas will still go ahead, for now, until your massive turkey arrives and you’ve spent all your money on food.
Speaking earlier today the Prime Minister revealed, “We have absolutely no plans whatsoever to change our approach to restrictions over Christmas at all, definitely not, none whatsoever, we promise.
“We would therefore urge everyone in the country to order the biggest turkey they possibly can, and spend hundreds of pounds on food and booze for an almighty big get together, before we cancel it all at the last minute with a customary U-turn, giving you little or no notice at all, like we do with everything else.
“We are aware that millions of people will be buying presents, and food for Christmas get-togethers, whilst making travel arrangements and booking time off work to go and spend time with their families.
“That’s why we will leave it till the last minute possible to tell everyone it’s off, and that you all need to stay home and watch telly instead.”
Asked if people should hold off from spending money until a decision is finally made, we were told: “Don’t be stupid, we need the tax revenue.”