Wednesday 15 December 2021 by Lucas Wilde

Conservatives’ party selection box includes wine, cheese, cocaine and an alibi


Conservative Christmas boxes

The Conservatives are helping their members get into the festive spirit.

In advance of the many Christmas parties that will take place in government buildings across London, regardless of any lockdowns or other restrictions, members of the Conservative party are receiving their selection boxes ahead of time.

“Well, this is jolly marvellous,” declared MP Simon Williams, who has on office at the treasury and photocopied his arse at Number 11 Downing Street while you weren’t allowed to go and say a final goodbye to your grandma.

Opening his selection box, Williams continued “A bottle of malbec, a slice of Brie, ten grams of Colombian marching powder… and a little card that says ‘if anyone asks you were at home in your constituency’ ..haha! …oh wait, that’s not a joke, it’s my line for the press. Righto.

“They could have come up with something better… I’m almost never at my constituency. You wouldn’t be either if you could avoid it. It’s in HULL.”

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