‘Be sensible this Christmas’ pleads government that spent last Christmas lockdown breaking Prince’s 21-year partying record

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The government has urged everyone to be sensible this Christmas, after having more parties while locked down last Christmas than Prince did in 1999.

With concern growing about the spread of the Omicron variant, senior Minister Grant Shapps appeared on TV earlier to warn the public to be sensible at Christmas, as opposed to having a massive party every single fucking day, like they did.

The transport secretary advised, “The public need to be sensible this Christmas.

“Which is the complete opposite of what we as a government did last Christmas when we had more parties than a twenty-something rep working the entire summer season in Ibiza.

“I mean we partied HARD last year, it was total chaos, absolutely mental. We just didn’t stop. Parties every day, all over Downing Street, just when we were telling you all to stay in it was hilarious.

“Some days we had up to ten parties a day to go to, with cocaine, hookers, and of course cheese and wine, it was bedlam. What a bloody Christmas.

“But this year, we need the people to be sensible, because infections are through the roof and if the NHS is overwhelmed it will be all your fault.

Asked if they will be sensible themselves this year, as opposed to just doing whatever the fuck they want, we were told, “We’ll be very sensible alright, by asking people not to take any incriminating photographs and blabbing to the press.”

The Cabinet of Arseholes – get the best selling mug here!