Omicron variant sees Boris ignore Covid in schools with new urgency

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The emergence of the new Omicron coronavirus variant has forced Boris Johnson and his government to ignore the problem of coronavirus transmission in schools with a new level of urgency.

Since schools opened March, they have remained one of the main causes of coronavirus transmission in the UK and, whilst that fact has always been ignored by the government, the new omicron variant will require much greater effort from ministers to effectively pretend there is no problem there.

“Rest assured we will continue to ignore the problem of Covid spreading in schools,” said Prime Minister.

“Balancing the spread of Covid within schools with the educational needs of the country’s children is by far and away one of the most difficult issues we’ve had to grapple with since the pandemic began, and the easiest way we’ve found to deal with it is to just ignore the problem and just hope it goes away.

“Obviously, ignoring Covid in schools has just become considerably harder with the emergence of the omicron variant. But, trust me when I say that if there is anyone capable of ignoring difficult problems, it is me.

“I will do everything in my power to continue to ignore this with a renewed energy and vigour.”

When told that actively engaging with the problem and finding a solution to the problem of Covid in schools could prove key to slowing the spread of omicron, the Prime Minister put his fingers in his ears and loudly sang ‘La-la-la, I can’t hear you.’

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