Tuesday 14 December 2021 by Davywavy and Orange Peel

Cookie Monster identified as patient zero for Omnomnomicron Variant


Cookie Monster

Local biscuit-guzzling weirdo the Cookie Monster has been positively identified as the source of what is being called the Omnomnomicron Variant of Covid-19, according to a report released by the CDC.

Formally referred to as only ‘CM’, Mr Monster was easily identified from his answers to a patient questionnaire, which were all ‘Om Nom Nom’ or ‘Me want cookie’ to every single question.

The infection was initially believed to have been an outbreak of Big Bird Flu, but experts changed their minds to a new variant of Covid.

The Omnomnomicron variant is spreading rapidly, as sufferers refuse to wear masks as that would slow their consumption of chocolate chip cookies.

“Initially we thought that a new symptom of Covid might be making your eyes go all googly, but we quickly discovered that was a pre-existing condition to the patient,” said Professor Simon Williams of Stamford Medical School and the CDC.

“However, from his behaviour, we’re confident that loss of sense of taste is not a problem with this latest variant as his appetite seemed undiminished. Quite the opposite in fact.”

When asked how many people are now infected with the Omnomnomicron Variant, Professor Williams said, “One, ha ha ha. Two, Ha ha ha. Three, ha ha ha…”

Original idea by Orange Peel

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