Monday 13 December 2021

The idiot’s guide to comparing every little inconvenience to Nazi Germany


idiots guide to comparing country to nazi germany

As changes to your everyday routine become a little more inconvenient, we have put together this handy guide for all idiots looking to make the compelling argument that the country is becoming like Nazi Germany.

Below you will find a selection of ‘killer’ talking points, sure to sway those you engage with and to make you look like the well-rounded not-at-all-hysterical individual you so clearly are.

  1. “This is how the Nazi’s started”. Complaining about wearing a mask in Tesco carries a real danger of making you look like a whiny toddler on the verge of an ill-conceived tantrum.  Make sure people realise that you’re only looking out for their best interests by explaining this is how the Nazi’s started.  Very few people read history books, so they’re unlikely to be able to prove you wrong.
  2. “The people behind the jab are exactly like Dr Josef Mengele”. It’s not good enough to simply express hesitancy about the vaccine programme, you must insist it is definitely part of a global experiment – the motives for which are still unclear.  You can argue that this is an “experiment”. Dr Menegele conducted “experiments” for the Nazis. So they are definitely the same thing.
  3. “It’s vaccine passports today, holocaust tomorrow”. The most powerful tool in your armoury is the ‘thin end of the wedge’ argument.  Sure, taking a lateral flow test to go to a nightclub if you’re not vaccinated is a bit of an inconvenience, but you can easily invoke Nazi imagery by likening the Vaccine Passport to the stars forced upon the Jewish community in the days of Nazi rule.  Don’t worry about looking like a hysterical child who merely hates inconvenience – see our earlier point about history books.
  4. “If I have to miss my Christmas party then I am the new Anne Frank”. It’s about time we had a new face as the real victim of persecution, and your face is as good as any.  Sure, Anne Frank had to spend 761 hiding in a secret annexe to avoid the Nazis, but you might have to spend Thursday night at home watching Netflix instead of being out getting pissed with the people you work with.  So who is the real victim here, huh?
  5. “Chris Whitty is basically Hitler’s reincarnated”. Okay, this one is a little more difficult to argue, but stick with us here. Hitler started as an artist, and Whitty is an epidemiologist.  So if an artist can go on to lead the Third Reich, then Chris Whitty is more than capable of doing the same. Incontrovertible proof, as if it was even needed.

Lastly, if in doubt, make your argument more forcefully.  No one ever won an argument by adding further clarity to their position and introducing supporting evidence, so focus on volume.  If you’re online, that means ALL CAPS.  If you’re in the pub, then that means shouting and finger-pointing.

Now go forth and convince the witless sheep that they stumbling into the Fourth Reich. God’s speed.

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