Friday 10 December 2021 by Mark Molloy

Police find damning evidence of parties at Downing Street, after remembering they provided the security


police downing street

Police have finally found damning evidence for multiple parties at Downing Street, after remembering that they provided the security for multiple parties at Downing Street.

With news emerging of up to seven different parties at the Prime Minister’s residence last Christmas, police chiefs who have up until now been unable to investigate the matter due to a lack of evidence, have finally found something to work on after realising they provided the security for every single party.

A spokesperson for the Met Police confirmed “Yes! We’ve cracked it.

“We now think there may have been a party or two last Christmas after all, but only because we remember being the security and letting everyone in and checking them back out afterwards.

“You can have our apologies for the delay, but we’ve only just actually realised that we are responsible for the security of the whole of Downing Street, and because of that we get to decide who comes and goes.

“And a quick look back at our records does reveal a few clues. Like when we let in all those strippers and coke dealers, along with a massive van of DJ equipment, followed by Pete Tong.

“And the lorry loads of cheese and wine which kept coming every day, we just thought the staff were hungry, and really liked eating cheese.”

Asked what they thought was happening when a large foam spraying machine arrived we were told, “Erm… cleaners or something.”

The Cabinet of Arseholes – get the best-selling Chrismas Mug right here!

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