Tuesday 7 December 2021 by Mark Molloy

Man chokes to death after shopping without a mask in Lush


man choking in lush store

A man has choked to death it is revealed today after shopping without a mask on for more than 15 minutes in Lush.

Simon Williams (deceased) was found dead on the shop floor this morning, after entering the store unmasked and breathing in the soap fumes for over a quarter of an hour whilst trying to buy a stocking filler present for his wife.

Speaking earlier via medium Otame Brown, he told us, “It all happened so quickly, what the fuck is that place, and how is it allowed to operate?

“I needed a couple of stocking fillers for the wife, and spotted the shop on the high street, which looked really colourful and nice, with loads of smelly shite that she’d love.

“So I just popped inside for a quick look, but I forgot to put on my mask.

“It hit me as soon as I entered the door, the FUMES, they started to instantly choke me, and I was confused by all of the boxes.

“I tried to just grab something quickly but this girl was asking difficult questions about mood soaps and revitalisation, and my eyes were beginning to water.

“Plus she wanted twenty-five quid, for a bit of fucking soap.

“Before I knew it I had passed out, and well…. Here I am. Dead. Absolute nightmare.”

Asked to comment on the untimely death, shop manager Hayley Rice told us, “Unfortunately men’s lungs are unable to survive in Lush for more than three minutes without some form of protection. It’s a tragedy.

“We should probably put a sign up actually.”

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