Tories reveal ‘Schrödinger’s Christmas party’ which is both legal and illegal until police decide to take a look at it

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Downing Street have today confirmed that they did in fact hold a Christmas party last year, but that thanks to Schrodinger’s famous thought experiment it can still be considered perfectly legal until such time as the police decide to look at it.

Following a few days of speculation about the nature of a gathering at Number 10 Downing Street on 18th December last year at the height of festive lockdown restrictions, policing minister Kit Malthouse has today clarified the situation.

Speaking on Radio 4, he told listeners, “Look, it’s all above board, and perfectly simple for those of us that understand the paradox of quantum superposition.

“In December last year, no one was allowed to meet people outside their bubble, and the police rightly fined a number of gatherings and even broke up a wedding or two for not complying with these rules.

“And yes, it might be true that there was a party at Downing Street on 18th December, but whilst being considered illegal, it was also perfectly legal until such time as it was observed by the police; which it wasn’t, and isn’t going to be.”

He continued, “We acknowledge that a number of people, especially those deprived of their last moments with dying relatives due to the lockdown rules, are angry about this party that was perfectly legal while also not being legal, so we have asked the police not to look into the Downing Street party to ensure they don’t jeopardise the integrity of this famous thought experiment.

“Governments shouldn’t go around re-writing the rules of quantum measurement, so it’s probably best that we just leave it well alone.”

Boris Johnson was not available to comment on the allegations this morning, as the news that traces of cocaine had been found in one of the toilets in the Houses of Parliament sent him scurrying off and muttering something about ‘nature calling’.

The cabinet of Arseholes – get the best-selling mug for a loved one this Christmas!