That mischievous little Elf on the Shelf fooled everyone by making it look as though the PM and his cronies broke lockdown rules last December by having a big Christmas do.
The Prime Minister has explained that allegations of a rule-breaking Christmas party at Downing Street are all down to a trick played by the Elf on the Shelf.
“It’s definitely the naughtiest thing the little scamp has ever done,” said the Prime Minister.
“Like that scene in Home Alone, he attached a load of cardboard cutouts to Wilfred’s train set to make it look like Number 10 was packed with revellers.
“If you’d glanced at the window there’d have been silhouettes of people dancing, drinking, vomiting and fornicating – but I assure you it was all cardboard cutouts!
“A casual observer may have thought that Michael Gove was hoovering up cocaine all evening – it was actually just the silhouette of one of those drinking bird toys.
“In reality, all the ‘partygoers’ were as boring and lifeless as the Labour front bench.
“The bloody Elf even rigged up quite a complicated system of pulleys to make it look like I was swinging from the chandelier with my pants around my ankles.
“In a way, you have to admire his ingenuity!
“So I hope we can all put this party nonsense behind us – I know I certainly consider the matter closed.
“Now then, I’d better go and buy some Christmas presents for all the bloody children the Elf on the Shelf has fathered.”