Tragedy has struck the Slough branch of Tesco after six anti-facemask campaigners were finally proven right by suffocating to death after being forced to wear a facemask while doing their weekly shop.
Store manager Simon Williams told us, “On behalf of everyone here we would like to offer our sincere condolences to the families of the bereaved. Who knew that wearing a facemask while shopping would deprive someone of so much oxygen they would suffocate and die right there on the floor?
“They were dropping like flies at one point, hands grasping at their throats in a desperate but ultimately fruitless attempt to get some oxygen into their lungs.
“I dread to think what their oxygen-deprived brains hallucinated in those final moments. Something about Bill Gates and George Soros probably.
“I’ll be honest, when these anti-facemask campaigners said things like ‘I can’t breathe properly’ or ‘it stops the oxygen and will kill me’, we thought they were being petulant children desperate to avoid a minor inconvenience that would benefit other more vulnerable shoppers.
“How wrong we were. We can only apologise for calling them conspiracist simpletons, and admit that the number of dead people through mask suffocation – which I hear is rising across the country – is evidence that they were right all along.”
The sort of people you know we are talking about have been quick to take to Facebook to offer their ‘I told you so’s.
Anti-facemask campaign Sharon Matthews posted publicly, telling those of us that read it, “You didn’t believe me when I said these masks are designed to weaken us so the government can take over – well now there is blood on your hands.
“And don’t you think it’s about time you started taking me seriously when I tell you this all part of Bill Gates plan to implant nano-trackers in a mandatory vaccine!”