Matt Hancock’s Spotify Wrapped is serving up no surprises whatsoever.
The rejected Thunderbirds puppet, love rat and – somehow, still – member of parliament has had a tumultuous year, what with being caught cheating in his wife and tangled up in a wealth of PPE contract scandals.
“It Wasn’t Me is my number one song,” confirmed Hancock, from his stupid face.
“I would always play it in the background while banging away at my not-wife. It’s a really funny song about a scamp who cheats on his lady, so it’s thematically accurate as well as helping me delay orgasm.
“Other songs in my list include “With a Little Help From my Friends”, which we would always bash out while signing PPE contracts with people I knew from school, who have no expertise in PPE production or delivery whatsoever.
“Then there’s Justin Bieber’s “Sorry”, which I played for my wife and children quite a lot. No idea if it’s a good song or not, I haven’t listened to it, I just sent them the link thingy. They’ve obviously played it a few times.”
Matt Hancock’s assistant commented, “There’s also “Hit the Road Jack”, which Matt was inspired to play following a twenty-minute walk around his constituency, during which he was told to fuck off twenty-eight times.”