Thursday 2 December 2021 by Arabin Patson

Macron makes grovelling apology to clowns for comparing them to Boris Johnson


Emmanuel Macron

A social media uproar by clowns and their allies has coerced the Elysee Palace into responding to a report that the French President had privately compared clowns to the joke without a punchline that is the Prime Minister of the UK.

Simmo Pierrot, a performer from Brighton who specialises in that weird crying clown thing that is as creepy as it is depressing, said that the apology from Emmanuel Macron was welcome but the incident highlighted the prejudice people like him faced.

“We’re not stupid. We know we’re much more associated with evil than laughter nowadays but that’s no excuse. It’s one thing being linked to anarchist criminal masterminds or even cannibal nonces, but when we started being compared to lazy dishonest posh twats who are all surface and no substance, then a line has been crossed.

“I’ve made hundreds of children bawl just at the sight of me and ruined countless birthdays because someone’s nan doesn’t get the clown zeitgeist, but I’ve never felt as humiliated as when I read that the French President thought we were as utterly shitty as Boris Johnson.”

The French government issued a brief statement insisting they had not wished to discriminate against children’s entertainers that give you an urge to find the closest escape route.

A spokesperson told reporters, “During private remarks, monsieur Macron made an unfortunate comparison between clowns and the walking cautionary tale against privilege without ability that is Boris Johnson. Remarks for which he unreservedly apologises.

“To say sorry, the president will invite clowns to the Elysee Palace and pretend to laugh at the sight of tedious idiots with oversized shoes crammed into a cardboard car. They can even do that wanky gag with the water squirting flower.

“Once!”

Twatspotting #1 Boris – get the mug here!

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