‘Tis the season to constantly clear up stray bits of tinsel, so your vacuum cleaner needs to be in great shape.
December is the most gruelling time of year for vacuum cleaners. Tinsel, confetti, little bits of sellotape – you name it, your hoover will need to deal with it.
“Yeah, it’s gonna be a tough month but I think I’m ready,” said vacuum cleaner Simon Williams.
“I’ve been working out every day. My cardio regime involves doing 10 living rooms in the morning and mainly stair training in the afternoon.
“Resistance involves trying to get a single man to do any sort of hoovering at all.
“Obviously I’ve also been watching what I eat. In anticipation of how much I’ll consume over Christmas I’ve cut right back on crap like dirty socks and pieces of Lego.
“For the past six weeks it’s just been bits of fluff, dust and other superfoods.
“It’s also really important to empty yourself on a regular basis – so if I’m watching a film in the evening and feel the urge to go, I don’t wait for a pause in the action, I head straight to the kitchen bin.
“Too many vacuums let their pipes and filters get bunged up over the festive period – it’s impossible to perform if you’re feeling tired and bloated.
“I just hope my owners don’t overindulge this year – I’m in great shape physically but my spirit will definitely break if I’m forced to eat a big pile of puke from the hallway floor again.”