WHO to abandon Greek alphabet and name new Covid variants after Adam Sandler movies

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There are plans for the World Health Organisation to abandon the flawed Greek alphabet system of naming Covid variants in favour of the works of Adam Sandler, it has emerged.

Christopher James, a spokesperson for the WHO, outlined the plans this morning telling us, “The number of different aspects of this dreadful global affliction keeps increasing, as do the varying strains of the Coronavirus.

“So it makes sense to start naming the latter after the former.”

He continued, “We currently use the Greek alphabet to name differing strains of the virus, but there are two problems with this; firstly, no-one knows the Greek alphabet, and secondly, there are only 24 letters in the Greek alphabet, so we need a new system that will allow for more future variants to be named.

“Fortunately for us – although not for film fans – the movie output of Adam Sandler is utterly unrelenting, so there will be no shortage of names for future any future variants.”

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Convenient mouthpiece Simon Williams, from Basingstoke, responded to the news saying, “This has gone on for far too long and we’re getting a bit sick of it by now, to be honest.

“And Adam Sandler’s career aside, the Coronavirus is getting a bit tiring, too.”

He went on, “But I do quite like this new system – I just hope that if I do catch Covid it’s during the spread of the ‘Uncut Gems’ variant.

“I can’t imagine being sat down by a doctor and told I have the ‘You Don’t Mess With The Zohan’ variant, or even worse, ‘Grown Ups 2’.”