The UK’s latest Covid regulations have been inspired by the Prime Minister’s recent visit to PJ Masks World.
England’s Covid guidelines are being updated in response to the concerning Omicron variant.
“Yesterday I visited PJ Masks World,” said Boris in a Downing Street press conference.
“Initially I was disappointed that it wasn’t a great big sexy S&M boudoir, but actually it was just my kind of place – people sneaking off at night to get up to all sorts of mischief when their loved ones are in bed, completely unaware of what’s going on.
“Anyway, it gave me some jolly good ideas about how we should tackle this latest Covid nonsense and stop the virus from messing with your day.
“Face masks must be animal-based – preferably cats, owls or geckos.
“They will be compulsory after dark but should under no circumstances be worn during the day, lest people’s secret identities are revealed.
“So you obviously won’t need one in shops unless it’s a 24-hour supermarket.
“Also, you won’t need one in pubs because, er, you’ll be a superhero child and so shouldn’t be out drinking.
“And obviously you won’t need one on public transport because you’ll have your own super vehicle – vroom, vroom, whoosh!
“Right, now to answer questions about how our vaccines will deal with the new variant, I’ll hand over to our new Chief Scientific Advisor, this Dalmatian.
“Oh yes, I visited Paw Patrol World too.”