Monday 29 November 2021 by Lucas Wilde

Local 5-a-side team ‘nearly finished’ with your MyHermes parcel


Damaged parcel myhermes

Your MyHermes parcel is on its way, as soon as this 5-a-side game wraps up.

You purchased a nice-looking lamp for your mother in the early Black Friday sales, imagining her delighted face as she unwraps it and realises what a good person you are after all.

“That sounds nice,” confirmed goalkeeper, Simon Williams, punting your parcel upfield with a distinct “thump-smash-tinkle” sound.

“Only ten minutes left of this game, so it should be with you by the end of the day I reckon, in some form or another – go on Colin! Go for goal!”

Colin rounded the last defender and lofted your purchase into the air before thumping it disappointingly wide, sending your mother’s Christmas present hurtling into the fence.

“Oh, bad luck, mate!” effused Simon Williams, “good hustle though, mate! Next time!”

Hermes delivery driver, Hayley Rice, said “Hmm? Oh right, nearly finished are they? I’ll bring the van round in a minute.

“Sorry, I wasn’t paying attention. I was watching this LUNATIC from a different courier. He’s carefully placing everything in the back of his van before driving off.”

“He’ll never make it in this business,” concluded Rice, stubbing out her cigarette on a parcel marked “Flammable”.

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