Modern-day Churchill and brave freedom fighter Simon Williams has today channelled the Blitz spirit of his forefathers to announce he will complete his weekly supermarket shop without wearing a mask.
Williams, 35, insisted he pitied those who are so frightened they have to wear a mask when in the shops, and said that thanks to his training – which mainly involves watching a lot of SAS documentaries – he has no such fears, even though the government has once again mandated masks in shops.
He told us, “All these frightened little sheep in masks are pathetic, cowering behind a piece of fabric to hide from a virus that isn’t going to do you any harm anyway. They are weak.
“I mean, yes, rather than ‘frightened’ everyone just looked as bored as they do when they’re normally doing the weekly shop, and they all took their masks off as soon as they got outside, to go about the rest of their day, but I know that inside they were TERRIFIED!
“They should all think for themselves and agree with me completely.”
Mask-wearer Andrew Matthews told us, “As inconveniences go, having to wear a mask in the shops is right up there with needing to have the correct change for the bus, or unravelling your headphones cable after taking it out of your pocket. It’s a very small pain, and I do it for other people because of this thing called empathy.
“I’m double-jabbed, and only 40, so the virus isn’t likely to do me too much harm, but I’d feel awful if I was carrying it and coughed near someone vulnerable and infected them. The mask makes that occurrence much less likely.
“But I understand why the anti-maskers need to pretend we’re all ‘afraid’. Antimaskers have to pretend everyone wearing one is scared, because if we’re not scared, then they become a little less ‘hero’ and a little more ‘frustrated petulant child’.
“He has to pretend he’s a hero, fighting for our freedoms, otherwise he’d have to acknowledge he’s just a prick wandering round the Tesco without a mask.”