Everyone’s favourite flying reindeer has revealed that a toxic workplace culture nearly led to his resignation.
Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer has spoken out about how he has been systematically bullied while working for Father Christmas.
“It began with the other reindeer laughing and calling me names,” said Rudolph. “Mainly about my glowing red nose.
“They said it was just ‘banter’ but it really upset me.
“Then it got very, very nasty – I distinctly remember Comet calling me a ‘luminous-faced c*nt’.
“That’s when I plucked up the courage to go to Santa.
“He did his best to handle the situation – he said I could guide his sleigh because my nose was so bright.
“It was a symbolic gesture, of course – Santa’s sleigh is fitted with powerful headlights – he was just trying to make the other reindeer respect me.
“But to be honest it just made things worse.
“Whenever Santa was around everyone would cheer and tell me that I was going to go down in history – but whenever he was out of earshot Donner or Cupid would whisper something like, ‘You ARE history, more like, you fucking clown-nosed freak’.
“They started being more subtle in their attacks so Santa wouldn’t notice – they’d spit in my food, they’d all shit in my stable so there was barely room for me to stand… it was awful.
“The worst thing happened just a week ago. I came down for breakfast and all the other reindeer had used makeup to give themselves red noses. I mean, who would even consider using red-nose in this day and age? I’ve never been so upset and offended.
“I’m actually considering leaving and getting a job at the UK Home Office which apparently has a much nicer working environment.”