Coca-cola has been hit by the HGV driver shortage, leaving their festive, articulated lorries stranded at the distribution centre.
Keen to continue to remind families to rot their teeth this Christmas, the soft-drink giant leapt into action and immediately replaced the lorries with a fleet of bicycles.
“It sounds like a shit idea, but then so did “let’s mythicise a bunch of lorries”, and that was a real goer,” said Simon Williams, head of marketing at Coca-Cola.
“There is an HGV driver shortage, and driving HGVs is a difficult, well-paid job. Meanwhile, any old clown can ride a bicycle, hence all the clowns that typically ride bicycles, and we can pay these people minimum wage. It’s win-win.
“Oh, and I GUESS this is better for the environment, but I cannot stress enough how much we don’t care about that.
“So we’ve strapped Coca-Cola signs to the sides of the bikes and instructed the cyclists to ride through all the red lights they can, yelling “HOLIDAYS ARE COMING!” at the motorists who will inevitably honk at them.
“It’s guerilla marketing at its finest.”
Cyclist, Henry Faucet, said, “I feel ridiculous, but money is money.
“Holidays are coming… holidays are coming… it’s very difficult to sing this while pedalling up a hill…”
Coca-cola fan, Hayley Rice, said “It’s not the same.
“Every idiot knows a bicycle is nowhere near as fun as a heavy goods vehicle.
“We used to go and see the lorry every year. I can’t imagine we’re gonna flock to see a bicycle.”
Simon Williams chuckled, “Yeah, we never thought you’d flock to see a LORRY, either. But you did… you did…”