Thursday 25 November 2021 by Neil Tollfree

Disappointment and panic at realisation someone else used ‘No sleep for you’ joke on new baby card


stressed man signing card in the office

There was widespread disappointment and panic amongst colleagues at Lennox and Stewart Ltd when it became clear that one of the first people to write on a new baby card had already used the ‘No sleep for you now’ joke.

“Well, I think that it’s fair to say everyone was worried,” said employee Simon Williams.

“I mean, a new baby card comes round for everyone to sign, you want to get the ‘no sleep for you’ joke in early otherwise, what are you going to say?

“I’ll be honest, I was pretty paralysed. At one point I was going to go with ‘hope it doesn’t shit too much.’ I mean, it’s rubbish, but what else is there about babies? They shit themselves all the time and then don’t go to sleep like normal people.”

However, one of Mr Williams’ colleagues found herself in a particularly difficult spot.

“Jen, yeah, that was pretty bad,” continued Mr Williams.

“Before she knew what she’d done, she’d written ‘Don’t worry, it won’t look ugly forever’ – she didn’t mean it, she just panicked. She tried to get some Tippex but, you know, who has Tippex anymore?”

Happily, things worked out for Mr Williams.

“Yeah, things weren’t looking great but then I remembered a good one – ‘Hope it has its mother’s looks’. That’s always fine, unless the card is to the mother, in which case it might look like you’re making a pass. But, no, the card was for a bloke in accounts. So that was fine.”

Ultimately, the card was completed and sent and the panic and worry gradually dissipated. However, that is only temporary.

“Yeah, it’s okay now,” said Mr Williams.

“But we all know that in a few weeks or so, they’re going to bring the baby into the office. Then we’re all going to have to think of something to say.

“I’ll get in early with ‘Is it sleeping alright?’ and let everyone else fight it out.”

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