Tuesday 23 November 2021 by Neil Tollfree

Boris Johnson appoints Daddy Pig to major cabinet position


Boris Johnson appoints Daddy Pig to cabinet

Prime Minister and twice winner of Horrible Fat Bastard magazine’s Man of the Year Boris Johnson has announced that Peppa Pig’s Dad will be joining his cabinet with immediate effect.

“He’ll probably do farming or trade. Something like that, I’d have thought,” said the PM, as he made the announcement.

“He’s very good. Very able. A real credit to – have you ever been to Peppa Pig World? I went to Peppa Pig World. On Sunday. Or Saturday. I’m not sure. I was drunk. Well, perhaps not drunk, I’d only had three or four, and I’d gone out for a drive to get away from Carrie and the little girl. Or boy. Whatever.

“So, I was passing Peppa Pig world and thought ‘Peppa Pig – excellent,’ so I went in and I saw the amount of work Daddy Pig had done to create this magnificent world of theirs, and it really is magnificent.

“I went on a roundabout sort of thing. Marvellous fun. Went on it five times. Then I got a bit sick. Luckily some of Peppa Pig’s helper friends were on-hand and they gave me a blanket and let me have a nice sit-down until I felt a bit better.

“I kept asking to see Peppa Pig, but she never came to see me.”

Mr Johnson looked a little sad for a few moments before his face lit up.

“Still, now he Dad’s in the cabinet, I’m sure I’ll be able to see her whenever I like.

“Does anyone know if Peppa Pig is single?”

The Cabinet of Arseholes – get the best-selling mug here!

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