Saturday 20 November 2021 by Arabin Patson

Jury finds Kyle Rittenhouse to be white on all counts


Jury America

A Wisconsin jury has just returned a verdict of whiteness in favour of teenage shooter Kyle Rittenhouse and stated that in the case of all five charges he was clearly a white man with a gun doing whatever the fuck he wants.

There was visible relief to be seen among Rittenhouse’s supporters as many had feared the worst and that their champion would be treated like a minority and be sentenced to death, or one of those stupid 300-year jail terms America seems to love.

Bubba Williams, a man who thinks patriotism means actively working to create a civil war in his country, took a break from shovelling corn syrup into his fat face to say that natural justice had prevailed.

He went on, “It was obvious from the videos that Kyle is a white boy exercising his right to pretend he’s some sort of local despot because he bought a gun.

“We can clearly see Antifa criminals trying to tell him that he shouldn’t be there just because he’s a deluded interloper with no training, skills or authority.

“But we feared that the jury would buy into the liberal media’s hype that riot control should be left to professional law enforcement and that pointing your gun at people makes things worse.

“If that had happened, we would soon end up in a dystopia where a white man like me can’t strap on my gun, be belligerent to complete strangers and then go on a killing spree because I ‘fear for my life’.”

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