After the weekend’s failed terrorist attack in Liverpool, that guy you know is calling for the government to take even more action to protect a country that is at risk of terrorist attack, despite flatly refusing to wear a mask in Tesco because ‘muh freedum!’.
Simon Williams, 45, has such a poor grasp of risk and probability that he believes the nation should be more worried about terrorist attacks that have killed no one except the terrorist, than a virus that has killed 140,000 of his fellow citizens.
Williams explained, “I can’t believe the Liverpool terrorist attack hasn’t spurred the country into a new frenzy of vigilance where we look with suspicion upon anyone who looks a bit different to us, and I’m absolutely stunned it hasn’t led the government to implement strict new rules on people who look a bit terrorist-y.
“We should be doing everything within our power to prevent terrorism, because clearly it is a huge risk to the people of this nation, and we should all – every one of us – do whatever is necessary to protect the British people.
However, when asked why he doesn’t wear a mask when he goes around the supermarket, he told us, “Well, that’s different. That’s an affront to democracy and infringes on my freedoms which are enshrined in the Magna Carta.
“And don’t go saying it’s killed 140,000 people, because that’s just scaremongering. Most of those people were really old so don’t count, and anyway, they died with the virus, not of the virus. Big difference.”
Non-moron and former colleague of Williams, Derek Smith, told us, “No-one is saying ‘don’t worry about terrorism’, merely that you need to put the risk of terrorism into context, and if you genuinely think terrorism is the thing the country to needs to worry about above all else, then you need to give your head a wobble.
“Imagine if you will, if terrorists had killed 140,000 people in the last 18 months, and I was telling you the REAL risk to society was a virus that had killed no one – you’d think I was a lunatic, and quite rightly so.”