Paul Dacre encouraged by government to apply for the post of being Paul Dacre

author avatar by 2 years ago
NewsThump needs your help

Ministers have defended the decision to reopen the selection process for choosing the head of Ofcom by explaining the need for recruiting people who possess the necessary skills of having Paul as a first name and Dacre as a last name.

Oliver Dowden, Chairman of the Conservative Party and mediocrity golem, said that there was nothing sinister in re-starting the recruitment after the previous interview with Mr Dacre ended with the panel running out the room screaming “He’s a fucking nazi headcase!”

He went on, “We think very strongly that the head of the organisation that oversees digital media in the UK should be a man in his seventies who was the subject of PCC complaints on a quasi-daily basis for years.

“Obviously, we want to attract a wide range of candidates with diverse backgrounds of running a tawdry tabloid with long historical links to fascism. As such, we have asked the commission to give Mr Dacre another chance even though outsiders might perceive some contempt for democracy in the fact he couldn’t be fucked sticking to his lines after he was given the questions in advance.

“And I should take this opportunity to highlight some of the absurd hand-wringing we’ve seen in the liberal media over this. Of course it’s going to be a fair process, and yes, the final decision will be in the hands of Nadine Dorries as soon as she can get away from her busy schedule of threatening to kneecap the children of journalists she doesn’t like.”

NewsThump Best sellers

It is understood that Mr Dacre has welcomed the decision to allow him another shot by screaming racially insensitive abuse over the phone to a civil servant at Ofcom who was writing down what kind of marble the new desk should be made of.