Monday 15 November 2021 by Neil Tollfree

Immune system implements staggered return to work


man with a cold

Your immune system has insisted on a more staggered return to work, it emerged today.

Your immune system, which has essentially spent the past twenty months with its feet up reading the paper while you sit in your hermetically sealed flat pretending to work at home, was expected to make a full return to work this morning after you developed a wicked sore throat.

However, your immune system has insisted that it is still not ready for a full return to work and needs at least a month to adjust to being full-time back on the job.

“Look, I’m happy to get back to work. Course I am,” said your immune system.

“But, I think we’re going to need to take a more staggered approach. I mean, you can’t expect me to come back to work straight away, and before I’ve even got to my desk there’s a whole bunch of common cold germs clamouring for a meeting.

“We’re going to have to take it a bit slower than that. I think I’ll probably do one day on/one day off? Is that alright? Just for the next month or so until I get back to normal. I’ll try and catch up on some reading about germs and that when I’m not at work so, really, everyone wins.”

It is expected that, as a result of the new working arrangement, you will contract the worst cold you’ve had in years and have to deal with it with no help from your bone-idle, part-time, layabout immune system.

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