Monday 8 November 2021 by Pete Redfern

Patriotic couple treated for minor injuries after man pins Remembrance poppy to condom mid-intercourse


couple in bed

A lovemaking session ended in disaster yesterday after a man made the decision mid-coitus to pin a plastic poppy to the condom he was wearing.

Simon and Debbie Williams, from Margate in Kent, had hoped to remember the fallen in the most respectful way possible, with a quick shag on a Sunday afternoon.

“It was a typical Sunday,” Simon told us, wincing slightly as he sat down.

“We ate our Sunday Roast, watched The Dambusters, saluted the framed portrait of Nigel Farage in our bedroom and then got down to it, for Queen and Country.”

He went on, “Suddenly, I realised that we weren’t being nearly patriotic enough, so I pulled out of the missus, reached for one of the fifty plastic poppies we have lying around the house, and pinned it through the condom.

“It stung my old chap a good ‘un, but that’s nothing compared to what our brave lads went through, so I thought it would be disrespectful to stop at that stage.”

Debbie picked up the tale, telling us while clutching an ice pack to her groin, “We pledged to never forget the lives lost, even during sex.

“At the going down of the penis, and in the morning, we shall remember them.”

It is understood that the Royal British Legion are now planning to reduce incidents like this in the future by selling condoms that come with a poppy already pinned through them.

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