Friday 5 November 2021 by Mark Molloy

Guy Fawkes resigns as gunpowder plot conspirator to leave the ‘cruel world of politics’


Guy fawkes leaving cruel world of politics

Guy Fawkes has stepped down from his role as gunpowder plot conspirator and would-be assassin today in order to leave the cruel world of politics.

Fawkes, who had intended to blow up the Houses of Parliament to kill everybody inside decided to resign this morning after suffering a furious backlash when he was found guarding a large amount of gunpowder beneath the House of Lords.

Speaking earlier he told us, “Yes I think I’ll resign actually, I don’t need to take all this accusatory stuff besmirching my fine good name.

“Whilst I still stand by everything I have done, and would certainly look to assassinate the monarch again and everyone in Parliament given the chance, I have been given no option but to resign my post as would-be assassin.

“This has been an absolute nightmare for me and my family and I have therefore decided that rather than being hanged drawn and quartered in public and suffering an excruciating death, I will resign from my post immediately and leave this cruel world of political assassination.

“I now look forward to pursuing a life outside of high treason and hope that we can all just put this behind us and get on with our lives.”

Asked if he feels he should face some kind of punishment for trying to kill lots of people he told us, “I’ve resigned haven’t I? What more do you want?”

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