Thursday 4 November 2021 by Mark Molloy

Blatter and Platini exonerated as Fifa votes to change fraud rules to protect their mates


Platini and Blatter found not guilty

Former Fifa officials Sepp Blatter and Michel Platini have been cleared of all charges today, after it was revealed Fifa members voted to just change the rules on fraud to protect a couple of their mates.

With news emerging yesterday of the Tories controversially changing the system of disciplining MP’s to block the suspension of one of their own members, senior Fifa officials have revealed that they have decided this was a brilliant idea and did exactly the same in order to protect their mates after realising how ridiculously easy it is to do.

A spokesperson for Fifa confirmed, “They’ve done nothing wrong, it’s fine.

“We decided to just change the rules on corruption and fraud last night, after seeing how easy it was for the Tories, to just completely ignore the rules and make things up as you go along in order to protect your own.

“We hadn’t even thought of changing the rules after someone was caught – I mean, what sort of machiavellian criminal mastermind even comes up with this stuff?

“So anyway, that’s exactly what we have done, and we all decided to vote on it, and guess what? It went through and has now all been agreed upon.

“So now it is actually LEGAL to commit fraud and accept bribes and stuff in return for fixing the World Cup to be held in your country.

“It’s great. I don’t know why we didn’t think of this earlier, it just solves a lot of problems and allows us to do what the fuck we want, without any blowback; because you know, we voted on it and it’s fine now.

“God bless the Tories.”

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