Nation relieved that urgent climate emergency being addressed by worst possible person at worst possible time

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As Boris Johnson’s involvement in COP26 comes to an end, a grateful nation is relaxed knowing that the urgent climate emergency is being addressed by the worst possible person at the worst possible time.

Voters have been reassured that Johnson will be bringing his special brand of crisis management to the environmental cause.

Basingstoke resident Simon Williams told us, “If there is one thing that the covid crisis has taught us, it’s that Boris is a master at acting too late and taking action when thousands of people have died necessarily – and that’s precisely the sort of hand you want on the wheel at a time like this.

“I mean, to sit back and see how things play out before making any big decisions is precisely what you need when you’re facing a climate catastrophe, right?

“I mean, if we took action now, like right now, it might not be necessary and we might end up having provided cleaner air and water and a healthier environment for our children, and all for no reason.

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“But thankfully, with Boris at the helm, that won’t be an issue. I’m sure he’s working right now on a way to blame the public if it all goes tits up and Downing Street ends up underwater.”